that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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