it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
