i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
