after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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