3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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