Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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