he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
