Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
id be glad to
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
