Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
