Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
