Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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