decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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