I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
