i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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