This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
