did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
