I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
