I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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