What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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