but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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