When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
