So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
