Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
