Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
