I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
