I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
