I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
