I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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