I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
