I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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