Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
