my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
