I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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