Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
