Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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