the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
