Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
