Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
