i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
