I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
