I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
