If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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