i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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