Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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