wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
