The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
