Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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