Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
