Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
