i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
