can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
