I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You are a genius and a whore.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
