I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
