Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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