i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
